Paddy goes to the vet

[ashbash]

paddy takes his goldfish to the vets
i think hes epileptic:the vet looks,he seems fine to me.
paddy says,wait ive not took him out the bowl yet.

[jrc750]

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a ginger bloke ?



A tattoo

[jrc750]

I got myself one of those 'Anti Bullying' wrist bands today ..... i nicked it off a fat ginger kid !

[cally]

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a ginger bloke ?



A tattoo

That creased me...i'll remember that 1 next time i bump into any gingers..

[platt]

a woman is reporting that she was raped by an english man, when the police asked her how she knew he was english, she repiled because i had to help him.....

[pat39]

A delivery man breaks down on the M4 so he flags down Paddy. He says to him "I've got 6 monkeys in the back of my van and I'm taking them to Bristol Zoo, I'll give you £100 if you take them for me." Paddy agreed, then 2 hours later the delivery man sees Paddy driving back the opposite way with the monkeys still in the back. He waves him down again and shouts across "I told you to take them to the zoo for me." Paddy replied "I did but I had £30 left so now I'm taking them to the pictures."

[Acrowot]

pat39:

Cannot stop laffin at that one!!!!

:snooker:

[flame]

comic relief is being launched again today.They keep on about Africans who live in mud huts who have to walk for 5 hours every day just to get water! Is it me ,or would you just move the huts.

[ore]

Who's Paddy, another relative of Chuck Norris?

[noel]

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 AM by a loud pounding on the front door.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
The man struggles out of bed and goes to the door, opens it, and finds an obviously
drunken stranger standing in a pouring rain.
Almost snarling because of the inconvenience, the guy says to the drunk, "Yeah, what do you want?!"
"Would you give me a push?" the drunk slurs.
"Are you crazy? Not a chance," the husband answers.
"It's three o'clock in the morning!" and slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asked the wife, not helping the situation in the least.
"Some drunk asking for a push," he mumbles.
"Did you help him?" the wife asks.
Now teetering on the edge of exploding, the guy says,
"NO! I didn't help him......it's three in the morning and it's raining outside!"
"Well, you've got a very short memory," says his wife.
"Don't you remember when we were on the way to a party and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help this poor man."
Now wide awake and knowing he'll he unable to go back to sleep, the husband mumbles under
his breath, gets dressed, and stands on the front porch in the driving rain.
"Hey, are you still out there?"
"Yeah," comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" asks the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
Unable to see anything or anyone in the dark, the husband says, "Where are you?"
The Drunk says "Over here....... on the swing,".


=o)

Noel

[jrc750]

Love it

[ashbash]

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!"

[noel]

QUOTE=ashbash;478611]Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!"[/QUOTE]

L0L.
This is a true story...


An award should go to this Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney for being smart and funny,
while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service.
A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry
passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've
got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear,
"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:
"May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began -
her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal...
"We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant,
gritted his teeth and said, "F*uck You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, [ I love this bit ]
"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too".



=o)

Noel