Jokes

[JPK123]

A Polo struts into a bar, saying "I'm the hardest mint around me, nobody messes with The Polo..." He orders a drink and stands at the bar - looking hard!

In walks a Hall's Soother. The Polo sees him and immediately dives into the toilets, looking a bit pale.

After a while the Soother leaves, and soon after the Polo looks quiveringly out of the toilet door. A Humbug looks at him and says "I thought you said you were the hardest mint around - why'd you quiver and hide when HE came in?"

The Polo tells him "Oh, I'm hard alright, but them Soother's, they're menthol!"

[abextra]

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels in side, what she' s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

[Nina]

Excellent abextra!!

[MrRottweiler]

Very good


I live by the words of Otis Redding's Thats A Good Idea:

What you want
How you want
When you want
Everytime you want it
That's a good idea
Yes it is, babe
It's a good idea

[JPK123]

Just saw this and had to share it


What is green, has legs and, if it fell out of a tree, would kill you?

A snooker table.

Corny but I like it!

[MrRottweiler]

Two bags of Twiglets are walking along the street when a car pulls up and offers them a lift.

"No thanks" says one of the bags. "We're Twiglets"

[ADR147]

Just saw this and had to share it


What is green, has four legs and, if it fell out of a tree, would kill you?

A snooker table.

Corny but I like it!

funny but never seen a snooker table with 4 legs!!!

[MrRottweiler]

I got the last one mixed up.

Two bags of Walkers crisps are walking along the street when a car pulls up and offers them a lift.

"No thanks" says one of the bags. "We're almost at our destination but thank-you so much for the offer which although not accepted is still very much appreciated"

[drlog147]

Teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence. Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.



"Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie," says the teacher.



"Anyone else?"

Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious

[drlog147]

might get told off for that one

[ADR147]

that joke is older than me!

[MrRottweiler]

I love it

An inflatable boy goes to his inflatable school and goes up to his inflatable teacher and pops her with a pin. He then pops the school and then pops himself. His furious teacher shouts at him:

"You've let me done, you've let the school down but most importantly you've let yourself down"

[drlog147]

good one mr rott how about this



A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."

"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

[drlog147]

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

[JPK123]

funny but never seen a snooker table with 4 legs!!!

OK, I changed the joke from billiards table to snooker and forgot to change that bit.

But I will now, just for you