Jokes

[Cessy143]

I'll try and keep them clean.............well a little cleaner maybe

[Nina]

When I started this thread and the question of adult jokes came up, I took a look at the members list. I found out there were quite a few teenagers, so I thought it would be wiser to keep them clean.
But to be honest I have laughed my heart out with the jokes Cessy posts, and besides I don't make the rules here, so I say whoever wants to take part in this can make his/her choices.

Austrian_girl, I didn't mean I'm leaving for good, I just think I'll shut up for a while. No need to explain what you said, I quite agree actually.

[April madness]

yes, of course, the posters should think before posting, not you Nina. there are actually members younger than 14yrs - at least I noticed one day, so... the posters have to be a bit more careful and that's it. making it a bit cleaner doesn't mean it won't be funny, does it?

[Cessy143]

I did'nt read the start of this thread, and would certainly apologise to anyone I have offended.

I don't want to break any rules or cause trouble, so until I check with Curtis, I will keep them clean

Another Dumb Blonde

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

[Nina]

I did'nt read the start of this thread, and would certainly apologise to anyone I have offended.

I don't want to break any rules or cause trouble, so until I check with Curtis, I will keep them clean

I'm sure there is nothing to apologise for. It's only jokes after all, no rules were broken really. In fact I don't recall any rules being set to begin with.
For what it's worth, you have my vote of confidence Cessy.

[Cessy143]

aaaaaw cheers Nina

I'm struggling here, don't know a lot of clean ones..............

Who's the Most Fun to Operate On?

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on.

The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".

The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".

The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.

The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on lawyers".

The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked why.

The fourth surgeon replied, "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".

[April madness]

Cessy, just change adultjokes.com to cleanjokes.com

[Cessy143]

Cessy, just change adultjokes.com to cleanjokes.com

LOL .........

[Cessy143]

Dentist

A woman met a man at a club and went back to his place for sex. Afterward, she said “You must be a good dentist.” He replied, “How did you know I'm a dentist.” She said, “I didn't feel a thing.”

Just can't help myself.

[Cessy143]

This is an old fav of mine

Ed Zachery Disease

There once was a very distraught woman, who was upset because she had not had a date in quite some time. She decided she would seek the medical expertise of Dr. Kayoto, the very well-known Japanese sex therapist. After stepping into his office and explaining her problem, he asked her to take off all her clothes.

"Now," he said. "Get down and craw reery reery srory to odder side of room." The woman did.

"Now," he said. "Now craw reery reery fass back to me." The woman did. The Dr. looked at her mournfully and said "I vely solly. Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachery Disease."

"Ed Zachery Disease? What's that?"

"Vewy sad. It's when your face wook Ed Zachery rike your a$$."

[Cessy143]

Playing Doctor

A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.

"I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little boy dropped his drawers and pointed to his willy. The little girl raised her skirt and pulled her underwear to the side, but search as she might she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy taunted her till she ran home to her mommy. She returned 15 minutes later with a big grin on her face.

"My mommy told me that when I am 16 years old, I'll have as many of those as I want!"

[Cessy143]

Little Big Fart

There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out.
So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, ''Big chief, no fart.''

The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back tommorrow to tell him what happened.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no fart.''

The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no fart.'' The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no fart.''

The doctor gives him 10, 000 cans of beans and says, ''If this doesn't work then nothing will.''

The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor.

The doctor anxiously asked, ''Well, did it work?''

The messenger boy says, ''Big fart, no chief!"

[April madness]

LOL Cessy


The Perfect Employee?

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

[Cessy143]

Like it Maddy

[Cessy143]

A Little Testy

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''

The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''

''On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,'' replied the lady.