Jokes

[April madness]

LOL Cessy, again

There's a little math (an excuse for not working )

After applying some simple algebra to some trite phrases and cliches a new understanding can be reached of the secret to wealth and success. Here it goes.
Knowledge is Power
Time is Money,
... and, as every engineer knows:
Power is Work over Time.

So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:

K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)

Now, do a few simple substitutions:

Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:

K = W/T (4)

Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

K = W/M (5)

Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we get:

Knowledge equals Work over Money.

What this MEANS is that:

1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do,
and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.

Solving for Money, we get:

M = W/K (6)
Money equals Work Over Knowledge.

From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.

What THIS MEANS is:

The More you Make, the Less you Know.

Solving for Work, we get:

W = M K (7)
Work equals Money times Knowledge

From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.

What THIS MEANS is:

The stupid rich do little or no work.

Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.

[Cessy143]

The Businessman's Medical Problem

A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices stange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors. They all say: “You've been $crewing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off.” The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it.

So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan.

The doctor examines him and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?”

The man replies, “Yes a few in the USA.”

The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."

The man answers, "Yes!"

The doctor smiles, nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."

[Cessy143]

Blonde Diet

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days .

"Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then skip the third day."

So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day.

The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, "How is your diet?"

She said, "Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me really tired."

[Cessy143]

New Ears

A woman goes to a doctor, and says, "Doctor I want an operation to reduce my fangita lips." "Oh, I don't think so," says the doctor. "Please," the woman begs. "Oh all right," sighs the doctor. "But no one can find out, not even my family" the woman insists.
The doctor agrees.

After the operation, the woman finds two roses at her bedside. "Oh," she screams, "no one was supposed to find out about my operation! "Oh, it's okay ma'am," says the doctor. "One rose is from me, and the other is from a man in the intensive burn unit, who thanks you very much for his new ears!"

[Cessy143]

Social Security

An old man went to the social security office to sign up.
He had stood in the line for a very long time until it was finally his turn. The lady behind the counter ask him for identification. He went to get his wallet out of his back pocket and relized he had left it at home. The lady told him that was alright he could just show her his chest hairs and if they were grey she knew he was old enough for social security.

After everything was done there he went home and told his wife how his day went. He told her that he had forgotten his wallet at home and the lady at the social security office just ask him to pull down the front of his shirt and she could tell he was old enough.

After listening to his story his wife told him if he had dropped his pants he probably could have gotten disability too.

[Cessy143]

Blonde's Medical Exam

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.

Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.

"Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

[Cessy143]

Blonde in Pain

A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.

The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where."

The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!"

Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!"

She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!"

She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!"

The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You''ve just got a broken index finger."

[Cessy143]

Two Jobs

Q: What's the difference between a gynecologist and a geneologist?

A: One looks up the family tree, and the other looks up the family bush.

[Cessy143]

Viagra for Gramps

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.

His wife said, "Where are you going ?"

He said, "I'm going to the doctor."

And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"

"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"

She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."

He said, "Why?"

She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

[April madness]

Two women were riding their rickety old bikes down the back streets of Rome one late afternoon. As it turns dusk, the increasing darkness starts making one of the women a little nervous. She leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before." The other says, "It's the cobblestones."

[Cessy143]

LOL Maddy

You're getting slightly naughty there!!

Bacon and eggs

A little boy comes down to breakfast.
Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pi$$ed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in
my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick chicken, so you don't get any eggs
for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week
either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any
milk."
Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway
across the kitchen.


The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you
going to tell him, or should I?"

[April madness]

Somebody has to be in your absence, Cessy

[Cessy143]

Och there's plenty room for the both of us Maddy................lets be naughty together!!

[April madness]

LOL Cessy

[April madness]

James Bond particularly didn't like to stay at the hotels. Every time he asked the receptionist to wake him up at seven he got his wake up call at 0.07...