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Not really a joke,but it's very hard not to laugh when you watch 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Y4keqTV6w
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Y4keqTV6w
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Thanks for sharing this! Absolutely hilarious! That guy is wonderful. Worth every minute. Watch it, guys!
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Oh man, I'm laughing so much I almost fell off my chair!Originally Posted by Miss_S
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hope jokes in pictures are allowed... maybe can think of a new thread for those. anyway - enjoyed this one today
ZIPPIE FOR CHAIRMANComment
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An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things
are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who
is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have
an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a
season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a
hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.
As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at
the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't
shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane,
aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and
went 'bang, bang'.
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now,
what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a
couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."Comment
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A woman took her young child to the doctor, and reported that there was nothing wrong with him, apart from the fact that she thought he had a rather small penis.
The doctor replied that one of the best cures for that was a diet consisting of many pancakes.
They went home and the mother delicately explained that he would be having rather more pancakes than usual!
The next morning he came downstairs and saw a large pile of pancakes on the kitchen table. He said "Goodness, Mummy, have I got to eat all those?"
She replied, "No, son. Only the top two. The rest are for your father."Comment
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well as mr statman has been slightly rude here is my effort !!
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"
ha ha !!!!!!!Comment
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Oh dear, archi! HagaOriginally Posted by archicrooksComment
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Cyril
please it wasnt that bad surely !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Comment
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This ones a bit silly but here it is anyway.
George is out in the Australian outback, when he come across a bloke standing there with his old John Thomas pointing proudly up to the sun.
"What are you doing?" asks George, rather shocked.
"Ah" the guy replies "See the shadow it casts, well I'm telling the time by it!"
"Well whats the time then?"
The guy quicky replies "Ten past three!"
George, checking his watch, finds that he is spot on!
"Well thats amazing!"
A while later George comes across another man, standing under a tree having a Westminster Bank!
"Huh, don't tell me you're telling the time too?" sniggers George
"No" comes the reply, "I'm winding my watch up!"Comment
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joke
Wot's black and white and eats like a horse?............zebra
A son ask his dad wots the different between theoretically and realistically
i don't know son thats a hard one says the dad go ask you mum if she would shag the milkman for a 1 million pounds so the son asks his mum and comes back and says she said she would dad ,all right then son go ask your sister if she would shag the Coleman for 2 million pounds so the son asks his sister and comes back and says she would as well dad' well son theirs your answerer says the dad theoretically we sitting on 3 million pound but realistically were living with 2 slagsI have been a cowboy for many YEEEEEHAA'SComment
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Anyone Here?
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"
Then she heard a voice from far, far away:
"Hello! We're down here..."
Be Politically Correct With Men
He does not have a FAT BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He does not SLEEP AROUND - He is HORIZONTALLY OVER-GENEROUS.
He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE SNATCHER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He is a SWINE EMPATHIZING BIGOT.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He does not STINK - He has HYGIENE AVERSION SYNDROME.
He is not a GROPING PERVERT - He suffers from COMPULSIVE HAND MOVEMENT DISORDER.
He is not OBSESSED WITH TELEVISED SPORTS - He has AN ATHLETIC TELEVISUAL ADDICTION.
He does not IGNORE YOU - He has ATTENTION SPAN DEFICIT DISORDER.
He is not a LAZY, MESSY SLOB - He LACKS HAND-VACUUM COORDINATION.
He does not tell ENDLESS, BORING, UNFUNNY JOKES - He is HUMORLY OVER-CONFIDENT.
Be Politically Correct With Women
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.
She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
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Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.
Paddy says "that was great, I wonder how the girls got on?"Comment
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Practise Safe Fax
Q. Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A. Although married people fax often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q. How do I go about faxing a complete stranger?
A. Just ask them if they want to fax. If they do, they will give you their phone number.
Q. My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memo's to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A. Faxing can be performed at any age once you learn the correct procedure.
Q. If I fax something to myself will I go blind?
A. Certainly not. As far as we can see.
Q. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A. Yes, many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a "professional" when their needs become too great.
Q. Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A. Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should always be used.
Q. What happens if I do the procedure incorrectly and fax prematurely?
A. Don't panic. Many people fax prematurely when they haven't faxed in a long time. Just start over, most people won't mind if you try again.
Q. I have a personal and a business fax. Can transmissions become mixed up?
A. Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but so long as you use a cover with each one you won't transmit anything you're not supposed to.
Q. Is getting faxed by one person the same as with another?
A. No. Even though many people (especially lawyers) would like you to believe that the longer they are faxing you the better you will like it. In reality the best fax is short, of high quality, and very graphic.
Q. There is a man I'd very much like to fax (I've tried several times) but he can't seem to keep his equipment up long enough. Is there anything I can do to help him?
A. You could suggest that he contact a good fax therapist, such as Canon or Mitsubishi. If he refuses to take the suggestion, it would be best if you just wrote him off.Comment
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Puppy Photos
Photographing a new puppy isn't as easy as it may first sound...
Remove film from box and load camera.
Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Choose a suitable background for photo.
Mount camera on tripod and focus.
Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
Call spouse to clean up mess.
Fix a drink.
Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.Comment
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