Old Mother Riley seeks nice new home

[Peter Smith]

Can any person offer to me a nice new home;

I am nearly One hundred years young Riley Snooker/Pool table and for the past Twenty Five years I have served my present owner keeper well and in return he has looked after me kept me warm and clean and not let me be abused.

But now sadly due to changing circumstances he has with tears in his eyes patiently explained to me he has to sell me to a new owner.

OK OK; I know I am a big girl 9’x 5’ have a heart of slate in three pieces that lays quite heavy on me, but my legs and base are sturdy and very well formed mind you and in excellent condition, and I am intrinsically Monogamous and not temperamental. And yes I have hard shoulders that will take a good bounce for many years to come. Sometimes, I must confess, I do find wearing the same green baize dressing a bit tedious, but one cannot have everything, and one must be grateful as my present owner recently allowed me to have new shoulder coverings, that have yet to see the light of day. Mind you; I have saved him bending down to pick up those hard rolley things on top of me - cannot quite see them from my angle - so many times, as I have many good quality pockets to catch these hard things in. And I do have to catch them so many times, if I was not so robust it could be quite exhausting.

I try not to complain too much, due to my age, but confidentially I could do with a new coat on my heart of slate, the one I have is quite serviceable, however my master whispered too me, if I go; and he knows I will, nicely to my new home, he will see if he can arrange my new owner - who he assures me, will love and cherish me as much as he has - to install a new Green or even a different modern colour dress.

Please help me, all I want in life is a happy, warm comfortable home with loving caring owners, and Oh yes another thing a nice sort of rain coat to spread over me during the long nights I am not being played on would held. To keep out the dust and cold, you understand.

Look forward to seeing you soon. S.W.L.A.K. a term used by the young Soldiers when I was really quite young when they wrote home to their sweethearts. Come closer; you may write to me if you wish at. rileysnookertable@yahoo.co.uk

Kindest regards and best wishes

Signed: Old Mother Riley.

PS: One more thing I can sometimes be quite shy especially if there is a camera about, but you can have a cheeky view of my statistics if you copy and past this link into your computer browser.
http://talkingcures.talktalkbusiness...er%20Table.htm

[samad]

LOOOOOOOOOOOL !! Nice way of putting it !! Made my day , great imagination , have oyu considered a career in writing ? LOL

On a serious note ,hope it sells

[Lao Shi]

Aww That was cute, unfortunatly I'm not in the market for a table - I have nowhere to put one

But I wish you the best of sucess in finding a new loving home Old Mother Riley

John

[RGCirencester]

Nice way of putting things

Hope it sells

[submarine]

This is exactly the same as my table! Very beautiful and solid, never seen another one until now, would buy if I didn't already have one. Would break my heart to sell mine too, even though I have enough room for a ten foot one.

[Kathrin]

lol! wonder if anyone fell in love with the table now (you never know with the british, hahahaha) but very charming written, hope it sells

[spike]

Very nicely put... hope it sells for you.

[Peter Smith]

Old Mother Riley Snooker Table Seeks New Home.

OLD MOTHER RILEY IS so DESPERATE FOR A NEW HOME

I am sorry not to have posted a reply to your posts sooner, but since the decision to find me a new home was taken and the brave step on my part to go public on The Snooker Forum website and if you Google “Snooker Forum” up I pop in the top three, I mean; it is so embarrassing all this publicity, I am used to being in a private lounge. We have both been so emotional over the affair it has taken this long to come to terms with the situation.

I mean; there was a time when he would put his reassuring hands on my shoulders, never hurting me of course, but not since The Decision/Problem. Another thing, perhaps you can help me; at the same time as putting his firm hands on my shoulders he would do something with this long hard thing, all I know about is it has a soft tip and weights at the other end, I cannot see from my angle what he does with it, this does not bother me, but it would be so nice not to have my afternoon nap disturbed by a strange sort of and sometimes quite loud clicking noise. Quite wakes me up with a start, right on cue.

Thank you also for your lovely comments about my writing ability, you are so nice - especially about a career in writing, I do not know quite where this comes from. All I know is so many times the things I write are not published by our media. An instance; just a few days ago I wrote in response to an online newspaper article in the Colchester/Braintree area of Essex, not far from Southend on Sea where I live. The article was about what we all seem to be suffering at the moment “The Depression” and the Three local councils putting the princely sum of £40.000.00 into local businesses to tempt shoppers back spending their money. My response was printed, however as I usually save the newspaper stories but did not on this occasion, the next day I went back online, only to find they had pulled the story. I do not know why. Few people are interested in my stories.

£40.00 boost to get shops back in business. (Newspaper Headlines.)

When oh when is this government, the Chamber of Trade, Business Link and the Local councils as listed in this story going to recognise as I have stated in many business meetings”Business do not need help from the government,” local councils or any person other than the Two most important people in the world with the tenacity, dynamism, strength courage as well as the money to get us out of this GB created depression. Who are these Two people, many important persons have questioned me, even Professors in Financial management, as they do not have the answer. Woman and Man, I answer, or as I prefer to call them Customers, for without customers if you give to businesses all the money in the world all they have is money, they do not have a business. Many times we hear “Putting up interest rates will cure inflation,” surely this outdated philosophy has had its day for controlling inflation has never been shown to work, as all it does its create more inflation, and long term rising prices and through Higher Taxes. This in turn stops us VIP’s having the necessary funds to spend in the shops or businesses, who then should earn profit and in turn pay taxes, for the government to waste. Or in the case of Multi-National companies send their profit abroad to avoid what UK only based companies have to do. Pay Taxes, to allow the financial circle to keep spinning properly.

We can prove this just by looking at the cost of Houses, if controlling inflation worked would we be paying such high house prices and then there is fuel!..., moreover is it right we consider running our economy on the results of a Gambling Casino, for surely that is all the stock exchange in reality is. If this were not so why in time of strife is the term as used on the television today so important “Sell in May, go away,” or is this just to take profit at some person’s expense that does not understand the secrets of the stock exchange mechanisms.

No this £40.000 will as MG (another blogger, ooo I am so modern and with it, aren’t I?) said will not do a thing, only endorse what I think Lloyd George said way back in time
“I am here to help” “I am from the Government.”

Back to Me, just under One Hundred Years ago 1913 to be precise, I was created and if were not for a major, tragic and history making incident just about a year before, I may have made it on the snooker scene in a really big way. The thought of the tragedy still sends my coat of Green Baize standing all on end, not that a good seeing too with the old flat iron would not soon put to me too rights again. So many thanks to the Snooker Forum for my Fifteen Minutes of Fame.

I have survived Two World wars and many other catastrophes in my life and now still feel sturdy and strong to give exceptional service to my new owner for another One Hundred Years… And you should see my legs, whilst they are a bit of a shape that I am used to. I was born like that you know. They still shine like I have the most modern of silk stocking on and feel so smooth.

PS: One more thing I can sometimes be quite shy especially if there is a camera about, but you can have a cheeky view of my statistics if you follow the link and if you are interested, look at some of my other writings no one will print or in many cases even admit they exist.

Signed: Old Mother Riley.

.
www.talkingcures.co.uk
01702 603030


Free to copy and post anywhere

[tabbfan]

Lmao class