Anger management Lesson needed!!!

[cudntpotaplant]

Reverse Side, i have a different problem to bring up with yourself. I know your not a psychiatrist but if you could spare a few moments reading this thread. Is it just me, or when you miss pots, a rage builds up inside your body which feels like its going to make your head explode. I go into sessions with the best intentions of staying calm, breathing deeply, thinking about just enjoying the game not taking it too seriously.But the fact remains that it means so much to me like it does to many people. Does anyone else there get so wound up about it....my girlfriend takes the brunt if my exasperations which isnt fair. I read the forum for the first time last week, and there was a saying on there "grant me the serenity to ignore the CRAP i cant change etc etc" or words to that effect.

Its a great saying, so from now on im trying to put myself into a little bubble when i play, ignore the misfortune that i ALWAYS have!!! forget about the CRAP table im playing on, just concentrate on the controllable...ie ME!

Sorry to go on! Cheers folks

[austrian_girl]

I know that problem! I haven't experienced it personally... at least not to that extent, but I definitely know it from some people I'm playing with. As for the girlfriend matter....

[reverse_side]

afternoon Jon; you're your own shrink it seems so there's not much work you need to do. I've just totted up the number of frames I've played in my life and it's around 21 thousand and there's been a fair few I've been annoyed - who hasn't. But there are those that it helps and those that it holds them back; can we change or is it something to be resigned in being uncontrollable? I think we can change our spots.

The annoyance you feel will be from an expectation you don't meet and the further away you are from the minimum you expect, the hotter the flames you give yourself.

If you're already thinking you need to stay calm, that's good, but maybe like a pressure cooker, instead of adding the belts and braces of protection for when the build-up of steam comes.... an alternative approach of not allowing the heat to reach the pan may be an analogy to make some sense of the situation.

Missing shots is always a trigger for annoyance; but it you've not had the chance to practice or may not be taking the game too seriously then those are reasons to use for explaining the misses. A different reaction, even within the same frame, could be to committing yourself to trying harder and reaping the rewards of better shot selection or more accurate cueing. If a coach was watching you, they could probably spot a few things to improve on and your energy could be re-directed on them rather than fuelling the anger.

I always try and have a positive attitude that allows me to catch the tail of a good performance rather than a few knock-backs dragging me down. If someone gets a fluke against me, then (as long as it's not a frame winner) I can imagine that it'll turn round to me eventually and everyone gets luck.

I had one guy in a 4 frame round robin match recently that spent the first 10 minutes of our game bemoaning his previous opponent who had 4 frames worth of luck; instead of a calm reflection his voice still retained the vehemency that stuck in my throat listening to him. I was frowning internally thinking that those things happen and he probably didn't make the most of any chances and that the swings-and-roundabouts would turn his way eventually. He cursed a while longer but resigned to his negative thoughts was amazed when HE had 3 frames of pure fortune... including a 3 ball plant using the yellow where the balls were 3 feet apart and the total distance from white to pocket was the complete diagonal... and it was a safety shot!

After the match (which I still managed a 3-1 win off handicaps) the guy still hadn't lifted his spirits proportionally to the outstanding good fortune just went to show his mentality was pretty entrenched and irreversible. The difference between us allowed me to take the flukes on the chin and keep playing well; especially as I was expecting them. A great shame in a way for him that it's as though certain people expect the worse and invariably they get what they worry about. Other people, expect the best and even when that falls a little way short, it's still miles better than the negative thinker.

All this makes me suggest that being positive is an empty suggestion unless you know what it means in practical terms.

in a few minutes, throwing a couple of thoughts into the hat...

• commit to trying hard
• realise you're not going to pot every ball
• try to play the best you can
• trust yourself
• learn from any mistakes
• expect flukes
• learn when to kick-on and take advantage
• appreciate good play
• allow yourself to feel proud
• turn feelings of dread and nerves into excitement
• turn feelings of regret and sadness into thoughts of eagerness
• never give up
• set some realistic targets; long and short term
• feel less disappointment missing difficult shots
• adjust your game to the table
• imagine a good player will perform on the worst table
• use any excuse to feel inspired; an opponents form - good or bad
• don't get too down
• channel anger into focus
• learn what feeling confident is like; know the difference to complacency
• look for areas of potential improvment
• improve your skill for smelling fear and use it as inspiration
• don't "show out" - waste energy on outward anger&disappointment - mental food for your opponent.
• feel good when you're ahead, behind and level.
• give up when it's over but make sure you can feel proud
• learn something positive from every win and loss

There are more thoughts and probably a simple sentence to pull them all together, but the general idea is to always see the good in situations because in even seeing potential can allow you to turn it into reality more often than not.

I suppose family men might have an advantage here; imagining that situation, whereby they might have a son or daughter that rely on them for setting them an example and having to teach them how to react to things in life. Maybe a decent way to handle yourself in matches is to think how you'd like someone else to show you what to do. Look at other players who behave impeccably and soak up their vibe.

If you try and act in a way that would inspire you, then that might allow you to play as well as you can.... even to a level which pleasantly surprises yourself!

Lastly (!) getting angry isn't too bad, but changing that emotion into something positive is the way you'll probably find useful in averting it becoming destructive. Learn to feel you're on a self perpetuating cycle of positive thoughts and improvements because of it.

Your girlfriend will appreciate the change from angry and regretful into a more positive partner that gets overly reflective at worst..... not bitter and just full of sighs!

Hope this helps Jon, none of us are very far away from either playing well or thinking thoughts that make you happy.... enough even to share with others.

Regards Dave.

PS it's the Serenity Prayer; http://www.twyford-berkshire.co.uk/c...s/serenity.htm

[cudntpotaplant]

Your a legend Reverse Side, a man of many words!!! Are you a coach? You are very knowledgable on snooker. Thanks for that mate, your words ring home.

[reverse_side]

just seen this reply - very generous Jon, no coaching quals for me (or a Doctorate!) but it does seem that there are so many ways to help a person that means the most to each individual... if they're open and willing to work at it.

You'll be back from Pontins I'd imagine by now with a head full of new experiences; whether good or bad. Bu I'm guessing you've learnt some new and positive things about yourself. (I'll pop a few more thoughts down here while I'm near the computer, y not!).

The heights and intensity of your frustration may be as large as ever; but that's just because the potential fall from the peak of your best performance is bigger the more talented you are, it's conversely a shorter distance for the average ability player*. But with practice on the table and some "head practice" that you've started already, it'll begin to fall into place very naturally.

I dabbled with a hypnosis tape from Paul McKenna one year and it had stunning results; it explored mental areas and shone a light of positivity with palpable sensations that gave me extra strength and belief. We each find our own way.... and at the end of the day, we put it in context to the rest of our life and make sense of it all by sharing experiences.

Fingers crossed for you - just not on a chinese snooker!

* It's a paradox though that even players of less ability may feel as much frustration even though they might not even have got more than a 39 break. So we can all learn from anyone that's experienced that horrible taste of failure and overcome it.

[snookerloopy83]

As a new member its my job to scroll through old threads and bump them back up to the top!!

I was the worst. I thought i should beat everybody as i had, and was always told, the most naturally gifted young player a lot of older people had seen. Then i joined a club and before long realised i had to buckle down. But at 19, im 22 now, i started becoming relaxed in the club and once again if things were not going my way id stomp around bang around and could bring an atmosphere down in a game or room instantly. people refered to me as roy the rager! then i thought "hang on. your playing 4 nights a week and behaving like this. i vuckled down watched a few videos, got some advice wherever i could and here i am now loving the game again. a superb action and timing and playing better than ever. patience is a virtue..

[dannyd0g]

That was a brilliant contribution from Reverse Side. I am only sorry that I joined this forum after he appears to have stopped posting.

[maximumbreak]

Nice post reverse side

It's an important area that is seldom focused on so we've got a series of anger management articles within our psychology skills section at MaXimumbreak.

Sign up for our free 7-day trial and take a look - feel free to write a review or two about the articles you read - it's good to share personal experiences.

[Obligation]

reverse side, you're on, that was a stunning post (and helped myself as well)
thankyou