Getting barred from B&Q

[ashbash]

can't believe it.After a trip to B&Q yesterday,i ended up getting barred.


Some fella in an orange apron came over and asked if i wanted decking.



so i hit him 1st!

[Souwester]

You can't beat the old ones.

On second thoughts...

[alex_5525]

old people, you cant beat them.....pitty

[thinsy]

I had to go to confession the other day.............

'Forgive me father, I have sinned.' I said
'Tell me your sins my child' came the reply
'Oh father' I said, 'I hope God will forgive me but I just couldn't help myself... My wife was bent over the freezer earlier today and she was wearing a short skirt and just a thong.... I couldn't help myself, I dropped my trousers and had anal sex with her there and then!'
After a short pause the voice from behind the screen came 'Well, athough anal sex could be considered a bit taboo I'm sure with the considerations that you are both consenting adults and you have been bound in marriage by the cloth of God, I'm sure he will forgive you and allow you through the gates of heaven when your time comes....'
'How does that make you feel now?' the father added....
I said ' A lot better thanks and I'm relieved God is more understanding than Asda because they have banned me for life!!!!'

[fateric]

My wife is such a bad cook she uses humped-backed rabbits to keep the pie crust up.

[Strickimicki]

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman.

The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky.

The Englishman was glad to have a drink.

"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."

The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.

"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

[Strickimicki]

If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.